STORY THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE - One of The Best Speeches Ever - 2018 ...

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Inspirational Collection of interviews

Here’s How I Shut Down My Negative Thoughts With Just 3 Words

I like to think I’m an unofficial expert on negative thinking. It’s not unusual for me to start and finish the day ruminating on something that could go wrong—but most likely won’t. And, I typically take my lunch with a side of worry, too.

I’m far from alone: The average person has 60,000 thoughts per day, according to the Cleveland Clinic. Of those thoughts, 95% repeat each day, and, on average, 80% of repeated thoughts are negative.

I’ve tried numerous tactics to cut the negativity, including, but not limited, to: shouting “stop” in my head when a negative thought appears, softly singing “Oops!…I Did It Again” to drown out the thoughts (thanks, BritBrit!), writing down all my negative thoughts to see my irriational thinking, and meditating.

Today, thanks to a variety of tactics and professional help, I’ve learned to better manage my anxiety. But that doesn’t mean I’m “negative thought-free.” I’m still human—so I’m always on the lookout for new strategies to check my negativity.

You Control Which Thoughts Matter

I learned about this mindfulness hack from popular self-help blogger Eric Barker, who runs the blog Barking Up the Wrong Tree. In a recent post about emotional strength, Barker explains that we can’t control which thoughts “bounce around” in our mind. What we can control is the thoughts we focus on.

“You’re the thing that decides which thoughts are useful and should be taken seriously,” he writes.
And, he shared a perfect analogy to better explain this:

You’re not your brain; you’re the CEO of your brain. You can’t control everything that goes on in ‘Mind, Inc.’ But you can decide which projects get funded with your attention and action.

So, how do you decide which “projects” get funded? Barker says to ask yourself:

Is this useful?

It’s a tactic he learned from Joseph Goldstein, a Buddhist mindfulness expert. It’s designed to help you assess if a thought is serving you or others—or if it’s just irrational.

“If the worry is reasonable, do something about it,” Barker writes. “If it’s irrational or out of your control, recognize that. Neuroscience shows that merely making a decision like this can reduce worry and anxiety.”

This past week, I decided to put the strategy to the test. When negative thoughts (unsurprisingly) popped into my head, I challenged them with a peaceful, “Is this useful?”

Pausing to ask that question did a few things: First, it forced me to climb out of my thoughts and see them from a new perspective. I became CEO of Haley’s Mind, Inc. My mission: To make sure thoughts bettered the company. Adopting that point of view made me more curious than concerned about what went on in my head.

Second, asking, “Is this useful?” made me more intentional when I challenged my thoughts. Unlike desperately shouting at my thoughts to “stop,” I calmly faced them head-on and assessed them. I quickly decided if the thoughts served me, and I let those that didn’t fall to the wayside.

I started viewing my thoughts like a Tinder scenario: I swiped left for those that didn’t prove beneficial to me, and right for those that I could actually act on. I was making my thoughts work for me, not against me—and it felt good.

Take Back Your Power

I’m definitely sticking with the “Is this useful?” tactic—and I’d recommend people with negative thoughts give it a try.

But one thing I’ve learned as a “negative thought expert” is this: What works for one person might not work for everyone. Mindfulness, journaling, a classic early 2000s jam—there are lots of ways to combat negative thinking. It’s all about what works best for you.

However you manage your Mind, Inc., just know that you are in charge. And any unfriendly “employees”—a.k.a., negative thoughts—are yours to dismiss.

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10 Things The Rich Do That The Poor Don't - Why You Are Still Broke

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Let's keep working on our New Year Resolutions

9 Tips to Help You Strengthen Your Integrity

If you ask company executives to reveal their “core values,” integrity is always one of their first answers, says Joel C. Peterson, chairman of the board of JetBlue Airways and a Stanford University professor of management. The single most important ingredient to business success is trust, Peterson says, and trust starts with integrity.

Entrepreneur and angel investor Amy Rees Anderson borrows from C.S. Lewis’s famous quote, defining integrity as “doing the right thing all the time, even when no one is looking—especially when no one is looking.”

Anderson offers many examples of acting without integrity: CEOs who overstate their projected earnings because they don’t want to be replaced by their boards of directors. Competitors who lie to customers to seal a deal. Customer service reps covering up mistakes because they fear clients will leave. There’s no shortage of high-profile major lapses, too: Bernie Madoff’s long-standing operation of a Ponzi scheme considered to be the largest financial fraud in U.S. history, Michael Milken’s conviction for violating U.S. securities laws after being the one-time toast of Wall Street, and Major League Baseball star Alex Rodriguez’ use of performance-enhancing drugs.

“Do what is right; let the consequences follow.”

But what does a person acting with integrity look like? Positive examples may be harder to find. Anderson, who lectures on entrepreneurship at the University of Utah, believes “there aren’t enough of us saying that sometimes it’s better to lose than to lose your integrity.” A plaque in Anderson’s office reinforces her philosophy: “Do what is right; let the consequences follow.”

That holds true in both personal and professional relationships. “If you don’t have integrity, it bleeds over into other parts of your life,” she says. Peterson agrees, saying that integrity can’t be compartmentalized—that “there is a kind of integrity across all of our behaviors.”

“A Ton of Work”

Acting with integrity can be difficult. “There are plenty of situations that are not altogether clear,” says Peterson, who has collected examples of integrity challenges during his long career in business and academia. In one of them, the chief financial officer of a company where Peterson served on the audit committee was unjustly accused of wrongdoing by a regulator.

“The dilemma: You are spending shareholders’ money to protect the CFO, and if you just fire the guy it would all go away. On the other hand, that’s the wrong thing to do, and it could destroy this man’s life,” Peterson explains. So he asks whether you make that decision according to your own standards or the standards of shareholders to whom you answer. “We fought. We said [the regulator’s action] was wrong. We won’t cave, and we won’t be bullied.” The outcome: The regulator dropped the matter, and the board’s audit committee sent a message to the company that “integrity matters here.”

This is the stuff of management and leadership, and it takes a ton of work to build.

The committee’s action represents the “organizational integrity” that Peterson deals with in his own professional life and in his management and leadership courses at Stanford. Organizational integrity is “a broader notion that embraces the idea of alignment, where what you do and what you say are consistent,” Peterson says. “Think of a bridge or a structure with integrity; they’re all bolted together in a way that can withstand shocks. This is the stuff of management and leadership, and it takes a ton of work to build.”

Building Integrity

“Talk to the people around you” to get a handle on your integrity, recommends Tony Simons, author of The Integrity Dividend: Leading by the Power of Your Word. “Find ways to get honest feedback from others. You need to find out if—and that goes double if you’re a boss—you have the appropriate level of trust. Integrity stands as a driver of trust.” Anderson advises that you “let those around you call you out…. Be willing to have people police you. Your trusted advisers [should be] people who will tell you whether you’re acting with integrity or whether there’s a better way to handle something.”

As for building your integrity and modeling it for others, Simons, Peterson and Anderson offer these suggestions:

1. Fulfill your promises.

To your staff, your investors, everyone. If you break a promise, you must apologize, but don’t let this become a pattern.

2. Keep appointments.

Doing so affects you professionally and personally (practicing your faith, staying fit, being present for family, etc.).

3. Before you make a commitment...

“Stop and soberly reflect on whether you are 100 percent sure you can deliver,” says Simons. “You need to be dispassionate in that evaluation.”

4. Get comfortable with saying no.

No one can say yes to everything and follow through on it all.

5. Examine how you react in knee-jerk situations...

As well as how you make longer-term commitments (e.g., attending events, completing projects, etc.). Use this introspection to become self-aware, keep score and improve. (You can also use this behavioral yardstick for determining whether others act with integrity.)

6. Polish your communication skills.

Reread that email or report before you send it; plan what you’ll say in oral presentations and phone calls. “Fuzzy communication leads to broken promises,” says Simons. Ask someone to proofread written communications and point out ambiguities before you distribute them.

7. Consider the habits and skills you need to develop to enhance your integrity.

You might need to stop certain actions (e.g., speaking impulsively or sugarcoating your responses). And you might need to improve on others: building your personal courage (because fear holds you back from acting with integrity—Peterson’s CFO might have been fired without others showing courage). Issue apologies “faster, simpler and aimed more at containing the damage [you may have done] than at justifying yourself,” says Simons.

Peterson advises to take great care with the language you use, especially when dealing with sensitive issues such as sexual preference, racism and religion.

8. Avoid people who lack integrity.

“Do not do business with them,” Anderson writes in a blog post. “Do not associate with them. Do not make excuses for them. It’s important to realize that others pay attention to those you have chosen to associate with, and they will inevitably judge your character by the character of your friends.”

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Mel Robbins: This is Why Women Don't Get Ahead

Some help to achieve your New Year's resolution.

3 Ways to Be Kinder to Yourself on a Daily Basis

What comes to mind when you think about self-care?

Do you associate it with being selfish? Or, do you see the benefits, but feel you’re coming up short in sticking to it? Perhaps you find yourself wishing: If I could just develop a regular practice, then everything would feel right in my world.

Whatever comes up for you, imagine what it might be like to realize you already have a solid routine—you just have to recognize it. What I’m talking about is shifting the way you think to appreciate yourself for everything you are doing on a regular basis.

Often what’s missing in our habits is self-awareness. Here are three easy tricks to help you adopt a self-care mindset that will actually stick:

1. Make a List of What You’re Already Doing

The first trick is simple: Make a giant list of all of the things you do that could be considered self-care. Things like brushing your teeth, feeding your body, moving your body, getting rest—you get the point. Write down all the things you do that require you to look after yourself.

The next step is to make a list of things you love to do. They don’t have to be big things (but they can be, it’s your list). On my list I have things like: enjoy a cup of coffee, get outdoors, read a book, snuggle with my children, have a good belly laugh with a dear friend, go for a run, enjoy an uninterrupted bubble bath.

The point of this step is to help you become aware of the detailed picture of your idea of self-care—what you want to be doing and what you’re currently doing—and how far along you already are.

2. Take Time to Appreciate the Little Moments

Here’s where you consciously set out to appreciate the things you’re doing while you’re giving and receiving them. It’s often the step we overlook because we can get so caught up in believing we never have time for ourselves that we miss savoring the time we do get. And it’s all these moments combined in a day that make for a solid, lasting, self-care practice.

A trick I use to help me see and savor all the moments in my day is to say to myself: “This is a gift for you, from me.” I say this to myself while I’m enjoying those first sips of coffee, or brushing my teeth, or making my bed.

It’s a simple statement, yet it’s one that has a way of immediately waking me up. What we focus on becomes our reality—if we want more self-care, all we need to do is put our attention on what we already do for ourselves.

3. Regularly Check In With Yourself

Lastly, check in with yourself regularly. This gives you the opportunity to have an honest conversation with yourself about what’s working well, and what you would like to shift. Perhaps you’re getting enough exercise but have noticed you’re staying up too late and not getting adequate sleep. Or, maybe you’ve had lots of social time and have been indulging in rich food and drink and want to scale it back.

This step isn’t about beating yourself up for what isn’t going well. It’s about growing your awareness, listening to your intuition, and making course-corrections that’ll keep you on the path that feels best for you.

Regular check-ins give you the opportunity to pat yourself on the back for all of the self-care you’ve been implementing, and help you feel motivated to continue going in a direction where you’re stronger and better equipped to weather the storms that come up in life.

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Focus On Yourself And Not Others (One of the Best Speeches Ever)

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Moving visuals and complimentary music, Great way to start the day.

How to Beat Self-Doubt in 5 Seconds

This is worth the time to listen.

5 Signs Your Fear of Failure Is Keeping You From Your Best Life

 Inside every human being is a desire to pursue wild ambitions and discover new possibilities. There’s a would-be entrepreneur, motivational speaker, freelance writer, stage performer, or off-the-grid traveler in all of us.

But unfortunately most people spend their lives in a routine, nondescript comfort zone because they’re too intimidated to chase a goal that seems uncertain and prone to fail. According to a 2016 survey, an estimated 34.2 million Americans experience some type of phobia. The most common is a fear of personal failure, which most of us define broadly as unemployment, financial ruin, and isolation from others.

Also called “atychiphobia,” this fear of failure often becomes so debilitating it can hinder a person from attempting any goal that is not a guaranteed success. It feels safe and secure, but functioning in this state of rigidity will hold you back from opportunities, experiences and overall happiness.

Here are five potential indicators that a fear of failure has come between you and the life of purpose, excitement, or satisfaction you dream about.

You Procrastinate or Avoid Responsibility

 

Did you know there’s a direct correlation between the fear of failure and a person’s ability to manage assignments within the time allotted? According to Adam McCaffrey, a researcher whose work was discussed in Psychology Today, those who panic at the idea of failing exhibit a lower sense of self-determination that often causes a lack of motivation to finish deadline-driven projects. It squelches the confidence to take on major responsibilities. If you feel immobilized to perform tasks out of concern that you won’t succeed, this fear of failure can inhibit your productivity.

You Feel Discontent in Your Career Path

At some point in your career, you’ll feel disengaged and antsy; ready for something new, but not paralyzed without knowing where your next step should be. Author and entrepreneur, Daniel Gulati, reported that job dissatisfaction rates are well above 80 percent, but that most people are unlikely to quit a current profession and seek out their real passion instead. He ascribes this trend to a behavior known as “risk-aversion.”

This theory of risk aversion suggests individuals are conditioned to choose safety and familiarity over ambiguity and unpredictability, often to the detriment of their own happiness. If you allow extreme caution to keep you stuck in a mediocre or creatively stifling position, this fear of failure can stagnate your career growth.

You Worry About Disappointing Others

 

Prolific keynote speaker Mike Robbins points out in a HuffPost article that the effort to avoid disappointing people can negatively impact the outcome of a decision or paralyze someone from making any decision in the first place. Those who define failure in terms of letting others down ignore their own aspirations because they’re too focused on cooperating with the opinions of everyone else.

Robbins argues that too much emphasis on outside voices will deter a person from experiencing fulfillment and authenticity. If you avoid disappointment, this fear of failure can harm both your relationships and self-awareness.

You Experience Physical Effects of Stress

 

When people spend all of their energy fixating on the possibility of defeat, they risk suffering both physically and mentally. Our bodies manifest stress and anxiety in a wide variety of ways, including panic attacks, headaches, sweating, muscle spasms, insomnia, and gastrointestinal distress.

An outward sign of anxiety should not be disregarded, but rather, taken care of before it escalates into a more serious condition. If you have extreme reactions to stress, this fear of failure can jeopardize your health over time.

You Aren’t Proactive About Your Future

 

In an article for HuffPo, Stan Popovich, author of A Layman’s Guide to Managing Fear, discusses that people tend to overanalyze future events because they’re unable to predict what might happen. This pattern leads to feeling powerless.

Without immediate assurance and instant gratification, the unknown becomes a source of distress for many individuals. If you sidestep thoughts, plans or conversations about the future, this fear of failure can sabotage both your current goals and future prospects or opportunities.

Before you can overcome a phobia, it’s crucial to understand the reason it exists in the first place. Consider working with a therapist to uncover the causes of your anxieties regarding failure. Once you commit to taking risks that are important to you, you’ll discover a stronger, bolder, and happier version of yourself.

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Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) Demonstration

Great introduction to EFT and over 1 million views. Let me know what you think

10 Things to Do When You’re Miserably Successful

You made it. You set a crazy goal and you reached it! But now the excitement is wearing off, and that nagging feeling that there has to be more than this is starting to sink in.

You tell yourself, I have every reason to be happy, so why do I feel this way? Luckily, you have both the answer and the solution to that question.

Here are 10 strategies to help you remember what you already know and finally break the cycle of never-enough.

1. Stop.

Drop everything you’re doing. Take a timeout. Whatever you need—a moment, an hour, a day—just be with yourself. Yep, that’s right. Do absolutely nothing. As a recovering overachiever, I know how hard that is, but it’s also the first step out of the vortex of never-enough. The best timeouts are usually spent in nature, without your cellphone. Nature reminds us of how effortless growth can be. When we allow that same ease into our lives, any sense of struggle begins to diminish.

2. Breathe.

How are you breathing right now? Can you take some deep belly breaths? If that’s too much, can you simply slow it down? Notice what your breath is like when you’re off and also when you’re on your game. Deep breathing is the coolest and fastest built-in reset button. So if you want to get and stay out of a funk, use it. Here’s the simplest way to get started: Inhale through your nose, pretending there’s a balloon in your belly and that you’re filling that balloon with air. When the balloon is full, release your breath on a steady stream through your mouth. Repeat until you feel grounded and centered.

3. Listen.

Take a moment with that not-quite-right feeling. What’s it telling you? Have you been using work, food or your favorite distraction to numb that call? We’re not trained to listen, especially to that all-knowing voice within. Tuning in requires stillness. It means we have to lessen the amount of thoughts we’re having, and the other ways in which we’re ignoring our deeper needs. There are many ways to still your thoughts and quiet the inner saboteur, but even just applying the simple breathing exercise above for three to five minutes daily will lead to heightened intuition and a deeper sense of what you really want.

4. Imagine.

After deep listening, it’s time to imagine—IMAGE-IN—what you really feel called to right now. Give yourself permission to go back to being a kid, to tap into what you know is already there waiting for you. This doesn’t have to be super complicated. This year, for example, I cut out a 10x11-inch piece of cardboard from an old box, drew 12 boxes to represent the 12 months of the year, and then used different colored paint markers to write down what I felt deeply called to create each month. I dreamed of releasing a book in June, and that actually happened! So don’t underestimate how powerful this simple exercise can be.

5. F.O.C.U.S.

Follow One Course Until Successful. In a keynote speech about the Third Metric, Arianna Huffington discusses the dangers of multitasking: “You think you’re being efficient, but actually you’re being stupid.” As Arianna points out, we now have scientific evidence proving we cannot multitask. Knowing that, take a look at what you’ve imagined. What’s most important to you right now? Maybe it’s taking time off to spend time with your child or a personal project you’ve been putting off. Whatever it is, it’s time. Don’t let all the things you can choose get in the way of what you know you must. When you set up your time and space to single-task, you’ll accomplish more and feel less stressed and more satisfied.

6. Create.

To paraphrase motivational author Napoleon Hill’s work, knowledge is not power. It’s potential power. Knowledge without action is completely useless. So what actions could you take today to move in the direction of your F.O.C.U.S.? What could you create? When I had a full-time corporate gig, I dreamed of starting a blog. I didn’t even really know what a blog was at the time. But I used my lunch breaks and late evenings to find out and to simply start writing. What daily action can you take in the direction of your dreams? Small, consistent practices lead to big, crazy, cool results.

7. Connect.

Who can help you and who can you help with what you’re creating? When you connect to your deepest desires, you’ll also start connecting with the people and circumstances that steadily bring them to life. And remember, in this information age, you can spend time with anyone you want. Find someone who’s succeeding in the areas you feel called to create in and study them. What are they doing differently? Make it a point to learn something from them today—either by reading or listening to their work, or by finding other creative ways to engage indirectly or directly with them.

8. Share.

Talk about what you’re creating and how you’re connecting. Start to use social media—and all the other ways we can instantly share—to tell your story in as real and raw a way as possible. Pick a platform (preferably only one) to start. I personally really like Instagram, because I feel it’s more storytelling than void-shouting. But you’ll also find me sharing ideas onstage, in a Here to Thrive podcast, or at local coffee shops over java with friends. How do you like to connect? Maybe it’s holding a meet-up, writing a blog post, pitching a piece for publication or hosting a webinar. Whatever it is, remember No. 6 and start creating!

9. Celebrate.

When’s the last time you celebrated yourself? If you’re miserably successful, I’m guessing you rarely (if ever) have. One of my favorite ways to celebrate is to turn the music up and dance! I also love romantic dinners with my husband, special girl dates with my daughter and weekend escapes with friends. What does celebration look like to you? Gift yourself a bath, or a walk in the park, or—if you want to get really fancy—a weekend away! You are so worth it.

10. Start again.

Start over. Use these 10 strategies to constantly reconnect with what’s most important to you and to fearlessly walk in the direction of your heart’s dreams. Because here’s the thing: You can’t outsource your growth and the unique contribution you’re here to make. No one else can do this work for you. As Lao Tzu put it, “At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.” Now, go for it!

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Demartini Inspirational Quote

9 Moments to Appreciate Every Day if You Truly Want to Be Happy

Success and happiness aren’t easy to achieve. It takes a lot of time, hard work, and luck to get there.
That’s why, along the way, you’ve got to take advantage of moments—those brief periods of time when all can be right in your world.

Here are nine moments worth experiencing every day if you’re looking for a happier and more successful life.

1. A Moment of Laughter

There’s physiological and scientific evidence that shows that smiling and laughing put you in a better mood.
Take time every day to laugh, and you’ll find it’s both contagious and uplifting. Surround yourself with funny people, find opportunities to laugh at yourself, and laugh your way to the top.

2. A Moment of Celebration

We don’t take the time to celebrate small successes enough—or even big successes.
At my company, Likeable Local, we instituted a “Moment of Rock” every day at 5 PM to celebrate our successes from the day. Everybody rocks out like their favorite sports team just won a championship.
How can you take at least one opportunity per day to celebrate the good in your life?

3. A Moment of Reflection

We all lead such busy lives. It’s important to be able to take at least one moment each day where we do nothing but think.
Put your phone away, get somewhere by yourself, and simply reflect (it doesn’t have to be long!) on the day that was and the day that will be, about decisions to come, and about what you’ve learned from the past.

4. A Moment of Stillness

There’s reflection and then there’s true stillness—the ability to shut off everything, including your mind, and get into a meditative state.
The busier your life is, the more valuable it is to practice moments of stillness. Yoga and meditation are the most popular ways to get into this state, if only for a few minutes (science says you can reap the benefits in 15 minutes).

5. A Moment of Pride

A lot of people associate the word “pride” with something negative.
But you have so much to be proud of. You can afford to take a least one moment each day where you sit back and appreciate all that you’ve done and the good person that you are. Take pride in the little things you’ve accomplished along the way.

6. A Moment of Humility

Pride in your accomplishments is great, but so is a moment of humility, in which you appreciate your tiny role in the profoundly large universe around you. When we take a second to appreciate the amazing world around us, it’s hard not to be happy for all that we have.

7. A Moment of Connection

Ultimately, human beings are social beings.
So, take at least one moment a day to connect with the people around you—your significant other, friends, and family. Hold someone’s hand, give someone a hug, or cuddle. Your happiness isn’t just about you, it’s about others.

8. A Moment of Joy

Laughter is great, but joy is even more powerful. Take a moment to experience the joy of your kids or family, the joy of your spiritual connections, or the joy you can find in play, or music, or dance.

9. A Moment of Gratitude

Finally, take time each day to express gratitude—for the people in your life, the experiences you’ve had and will have, and the world around you. You can’t physically feel angry or upset and grateful at the same time, so just taking a moment of gratitude will make you happier.


Again, these are just moments—meaning they shouldn’t take up too much time, and chances are you already do them on a regular basis. But by being aware of how powerful these can be, you put yourself on the path to true bliss.

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