How to Overcome Your Fears of Rejection

The fear of rejection and failure is the single greatest obstacle to success in adult life. Taken to its extreme, we become totally preoccupied with not making a mistake, with seeking approval for security above all other considerations.

The experience of the fear of failure is in the words of “I can’t”, I can’t.”

We feel it in the front of the body, starting at the solar plexus and moving up to the rapid beating of the heart, rapid breathing, and a tight throat.

Fear of rejection interferes with performance and inhibits expression. We learn this when our parents make their love conditional upon our behavior. If we do what pleases them, they give us love and approval. If we do something they don’t like, they withdraw their love and approval-which we interpret as rejection.

As adults, people raised with conditional love become preoccupied with the opinions of others.
Many men develop Type A behavior which is characterized by hostility, suspicion and an obsession with performance to some undetermined high standard. This is expressed in the attitude of “I have to, I have to,” and is associated with the feeling that “I have to work harder and accomplish more in order to please the boss,” who has become a surrogate parent.

More than 99% of adults experience both these fears of failure and rejection. They are caught in the trap of feeling, “I can’t, but “I have to,” “I have to,” but “I can’t.”

Learn to Love Yourself

The antidote to these fears is the development of courage, character, and self-esteem.
The opposite of fear is actually love, self-love, and self-respect. Acting with courage in a fearful situation is simply a technique that boosts our regard for ourselves to such a degree that our fears subside and lose their ability to affect our behavior and our decisions.

One of the most powerful techniques ever developed to overcoming fear, and relieving stress is called the “worry buster.”

Many people have come back to me and said that this simple method has changed their attitudes from negative to positive and enabled them to be more effective in their work and their personal lives than they had ever thought possible.

Here are the 4 steps of my formula:

1. Define the Problem in Writing

Step one is to define the problem or situation you are worrying about clearly in writing.
The best way to do this is to take a pad of paper and draw a line from top to bottom right down the middle.

On the left side of the pad of paper, write a clear description of your problem, the answer to the question, “What exactly am I worrying about?”
 Fully 50% of all problems can be solved at this definition stage. In medicine, they say that “Accurate diagnosis is half the cure.”  Many of our worries exist because we have not taken the time to sit down and really define clearly what it is that is bothering us.

2. Write Out the Worst Possible Outcome

Step two is to write out the worst possible outcome of the worry situation. On the right-hand side of the page, answer the question, “What is the worst possible thing that can happen as a result of this problem?”

You may lose your money, lose your relationship, lose your job, your investment, your health, or your prestige. Whatever it is, write it down.

Steps one and two will quickly start relieving the stress that causes worry.

What we have found is that it is resistance to facing the worst possible outcome that causes most of the anxiety and stress associated with worry. Once you have written down the worst possible thing that can happen, you will find that you will slowly stop worrying.

3. Accept the Worst Possible Outcome

Step three is to resolve to accept the worst possible outcome, should it occur. Just say to yourself, “Well, if it happens this way, I’ll learn to live with it.”  Once you have resolved to accept the worst, should it occur, you no longer have anything to worry about. All the stress caused by denial, by refusing to face what the worst could be, suddenly disappears.

4. Begin Improving on the Worst

Step four is to begin immediately to improve upon the worst.  Having resolved to accept the worst, should it occur, now think of everything that you could possibly do to make sure that the very worst does not occur.  Once you stop worrying and have resolved to accept the worst, your mind will be calm and clear and capable of creative thought.  By overcoming fear you are now in a position to do something constructive.

Remember, worry is merely a sustained form of fear caused by indecision. The only real antidote to worry is purposeful action. Get so busy doing something about your situation that you don’t have time to worry. As you take action, your confidence, courage, and sense of control will return and wipe away your fears.

Here are two things you can do to get rid of your worries:
First, make a list, down one side of a page, of all the situations causing you any stress or worry at the moment.

Second, on the other side of the page, write out the worst possible thing that could happen as a result.

You’ll be amazed to see much of your worry disappear with this exercise.


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Universal Law of Giving & Receiving by Deepak Chopra

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In the Universe everything circulates.

Jack Canfield: Create Your Attitude

5 Simple Ways You Can Beat Stress (Yes, It’s Easier than You Think)

Getting rid of stress becomes a whole lot easier once you know what to do and what not to do. There are specific areas of your life that you can tap into to make a positive change and get rid of stress for good.

Everything from the food you eat, to the grudges you keep, can relay into anxiety and stress. Your self-esteem and perception of the world around you play a significant role in this as well.

Beyond using the fidget spinner, here are five ways you can de-stress your life today!

1. Change Your Morning Drink

Making appropriate changes in what you consume every day makes a difference in how much stress you are incurring.

For example, coffee is a major stimulant for anxiety and then stress. Not everyone reacts to different amounts of caffeine consumption in the same way. Some people can tolerate it and go by their day like its nothing; others may unknowingly be suffering from stress and irrational anxiety because of having too many energy drinks or coffee.

If you really want to test it out, consider cutting out caffeinated beverages from your lifestyle and notice if it makes any difference for the better.

2. Sleep Better

One of the unfortunate paradoxes of sleep and stress is that stress causes one to lose sleep. However, it also happens to be the cause for one to be stressed out.

When you don’t get a good night’s rest your body and mind fall out of sync. While the world moves on, you don’t feel energized or prepared to greet the day, hence creating stress regarding your potential to be able to do your best.

A study found that a lot of people report that they get less than the recommended eight hour sleep time. 49 percent of Generation X admits that not getting proper sleep makes irritable, while 47% of millennials say the same.

If you are having trouble sleeping because of too much work, one neat trick is to grant yourself time before bed to relax; dim the light and don’t stare at any bright screens at least half an hour before you plan to hit the hay.

3. Manage the Clock (Time Management)

One easy way to make sure that your habits directly influence less stress for you is if you start managing your time well. You would be surprised to know the number of people who fail to stick to a schedule even though they think they will get everything on their list accomplished for the day.
Stress usually stems from thinking about a faltering plan–where you start doubting whether things that need to be done will ever really get done or not.

With terms like “Time is Money”, and “The early bird gets the worm”, a small slip in time management usually is cause for a major pointer that picks at your brain and makes you anxious about what you might have missed, and what you can no longer have just because you failed to manage your time.

While seemingly far-fetched, these are substantial stress-inducing reasons.

4. Get Moving

Exercise is an essential aspect of what you can do to combat stress.
According to the American Psychological Review, out of the 17% of people who admit they work-out regularly, 53% claim they feel great about themselves after exercising, 30% say they feel the stress go away, and 35% say it puts them in a good mood.

The benefits of exercise are the best when you practice it every day. Working out is actually known to lower stress hormones like cortisol in your body.

Another thing that physical activity effectively does is improve your sleep quality which is adversely affected by stress. Remember, not getting enough rest always makes it harder to work-out the next day, and even harder to concentrate and focus on the important tasks at hand.

5. Get Rid of Frustration and Anger

Another primary reason for people to feel stressed out all the time is that they are holding on to a lot of negative emotions. Let’s get one thing right. Toxic feelings never did do anyone any good.
When you are already mulling over unsolvable things or things of the past that cannot be changed, you will end up stressing yourself because you don’t have control to change any of them.

It is vital that you learn acceptance and how to not lose your cool in times when you must concentrate on more important matters. The best way to get rid of these feelings is to treat yourself and just let go. Move on, and give yourself another chance to do better. You will eventually persevere and see the difference yourself.


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What Tony Robbins Does Every Morning

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Ever wondered how some people accomplish so much in a day?

Robert Kiyosaki's 7 Keys To Ridiculous Wealth

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Great advice from an expert.

How to Show Up for Your Life

How was your day yesterday or the day before that? Do you remember what happened; how you felt, who you spent time with, what you saw, heard, tasted, or experienced? Do you remembered what moved you to tears or laughter? It wasn’t long ago that I didn’t remember any of those things unless I looked at my calendar or my to-do list. Every day felt like a race against the clock and a quest to see how much I could cram in and get through. After a while though, I realized I wanted more than to just get through my life. I wanted to show up for it, to be in my life and not just checking pieces of it off my list each day.

If you’d like to show up for your life too, this is what I recommend. These are things I’ve done that have made the biggest difference and allowed me to be fully present for what matters to me. These aren’t listed in order of importance. This isn’t a competition or a race and these are all practices I continue to revisit and refine. Experiment, be curious, be gentle with yourself and remember you aren’t doing this to have a simple life, you are doing it to have a life – a life you want to show up for and experience with your whole heart.


1. Make a little space.
When everything is important, nothing is. Start to show up for your life by making room for it. Make a little space by clearing some distractions from your living space, your working space, and from your calendar. This doesn’t mean you have to get rid of everything right way. Even 5% less will make a difference. When you pre-order my new book Soulful Simplicity, you’ll receive a special PDF I created called, Soulful Space: 10 Ways to Create more Space in Your Heart and Your Home. It’s important to create space on the inside and the outside.

2. Eat better food.
It’s hard to show up for your life when you are tired, lack clarity or don’t feel well. This almost always comes back to food. What you eat has a direct impact on how you feel and how you experience your life. I don’t want to recommend a specific diet, but instead recommend that you learn what foods make you feel the best (and the worst). Try a nutritional reset like the Whole 30, eliminating common trigger foods like sugar, dairy, grains, alcohol and others. Notice how you feel when you add them back to your diet. You might also try keeping a food diary including how you feel each day. Look back after 30 days and see if you notice any patterns. When you are mostly eating food that is best for your body, you will sleep better, have more consistent energy throughout the day and feel more alive.

3. Put your phone down.
Our digital devices add value to our lives but they also steal us from our lives if we let them. When you put your phone down, you can notice your surroundings, listen to your heart, and make eye contact. You can pay attention to what is right in front of you. Without the distraction of our digital devices we are less scattered and more focused. There are plenty of things we can do to manage digital usage like turning off notifications or switching on airplane mode but the only way to show all the way up for the life right in front of us is to put the phone down.

4. Dress with less.
Deciding what to wear requires mental energy better spent on other things. Clean out your closet for good, create a uniform, or try minimalist fashion challenge Project 333. By choosing what to wear from a small capsule wardrobe, you’ll get to wear your favorite things everyday and eliminate decision fatigue. Save your brain power for more meaningful decisions, creative ideas and problem solving throughout the day.

5. Morning routine.
Sometimes my morning routine is hours of writing, walking, yoga, and meditation. When I travel or have an early morning meeting, my morning routine is a shorter version of writing and meditation or just walking. Consistency is more important than intensity when creating a morning routine that fuels your day and helps you show up for your life.

6. Do less.
When you are overwhelmed, tired or stressed … the solution is less. Get rid of something on your calendar, something on your to-do list, something on your mind, and something on your heart. Let go of the idea that you have to get it all done or who you are is somehow measured by what you cross off your to-do list. You are so much more than that.

Simplicity is the way back to love because it gives us the time, space and presence we desire to show all the way up for our beautiful, messy, magnificent lives.

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5 Mindfulness Exercises For the Person Who Can't Sit Still

Traditional mindfulness meditation is one of those things that has a barrier to entry—if you don’t already see yourself as someone who could sit still for an extended amount of time, doing so sounds like trying to fall asleep to a TV blaring obnoxious commercials at you. Maybe your inner voice isn’t trying to sell you five cleaning products for the price of one, but it’s not easy to turn off your thoughts to the point of absolute silence.

It’s common to think that meditation only works if you sit still on the floor and think of absolutely nothing, but you don’t have to be absent to be present. The American Psychological Association sees mindfulness as a psychological state of awareness, and meditation is just one of many activities to help you get to that state.

You don’t have to be absent to be present.

According to a Perspectives on Psychological Science study, mindfulness meditation is “the nonjudgmental awareness of experiences in the present moment.” Notice that they don’t say anything about sitting still in that definition? That’s because mindfulness meditation works differently depending on your personality. Some may like to sit cross legged in silence, others may prefer a busy task to assist their brains to focus. Me? I’ve always found that drawing is a preferred mindfulness activity, since it requires me to notice every little detail of whatever I’m drawing on the paper.

However your practice it, mindfulness comes with lots of potential benefits—it can help regulate our emotions, reduce stress, and strengthen our focus, according to the American Psychological Association. If you don’t feel like the “meditation type,” it’s important to look into other ways to practice mindfulness.

Here, five ways you can feel in the moment without having to drop everything and do nothing:

1. Get Walking

If sitting still isn’t for you, do the opposite and get walking with a purpose. Mindful.org breaks down a specific kind of a meditation walk, which is all about finding awe in the world around you. This "Awe Walk" is meant to help cultivate that feeling of vast amazement and appreciation for things that are bigger than us.

To take an “Awe Walk,” Mindful.org says to “walk in a place of meaning and beauty, where your sole task is to encounter something that amazes and transcends, be it big or small.” Perhaps your awe walk is through a local wooded trail, your favorite neighborhood in your city, or alongside a body of water. Maybe it’s passing by one of your neighbor’s gardens you’ve always loved or walking to a place that has a special meaning to you. Wherever it is, your goal is to simply be in awe. Take notice, be aware, be mindful.

Take a look at the trees, the pavement beneath your feet, and the sounds around you. How would you describe what you’re experiencing to someone who wasn’t there? What do you notice that you hadn’t before?

Mindful.org also suggests that if you find yourself daydreaming or getting caught up in your thoughts, try listening to the inhale and exhale of your breath.

2. Have a Daily Mindful Activity

Mindfulness is less daunting—and more likely to become a habit—when it’s integrated with things you already do every day. Maybe when you brush your teeth, you narrow in on the sounds of the brushing or the way the bathroom tiles feel when you stand at the sink. Or, when you’re doing laundry at the laundromat, you let yourself focus on the repetitive sounds of the dryer tumbling around. The goal is to pick something you already do, but bring extra focus to each step of the activity.

Pick something you already do, but bring extra focus to each step of the activity.

3. Bring Mindfulness to Work

If your work schedule is chaotic, try taking mindfulness breaks during the workday. During your 15 minute break, find a quiet spot in a backroom or outside to breathe and bring awareness to how you’re feeling in the present moment. Or, count your steps and pay attention to new details when you get up from your desk to grab water or coffee. These small moments can act as a restart to your mind and will help you feel more aware when you return to your computer or shift position.

4. Try a Guided Meditation App

Sometimes the traditional conception of meditation seems nonspecific and too vague. Meditating without any kind of guidance can also make you wonder if you’re doing things right. One way to find some guidance without signing up for an expensive meditation retreat in the woods is to download a meditation app.

Shine’s free iOS app includes interactive meditations that actually ask how you’re doing, and give you a specific exercise based on what you say. It’s a way to feel mindful without feeling ignored or generalized. The app also gives you advice and guided meditations based on your situation. Feeling stressed? Overwhelmed? Lost? Perhaps all three? Shine has a guided meditation for that.

5. Drive Your Way to Mindfulness

Eric Langshurt and Nate Klemp, PhD., co-authors of Start Here -- Master the Lifelong Habit of Wellbeing, recommend a mindfulness technique they call Notice-Shift-Rewire. The best part? It takes place on the road, so you can integrate it into your daily commute.

Basically, the technique revolves around three steps: Noticing something, shifting your perspective, and rewiring your thinking.

The two authors give an example involving a stop sign. When you approach the stop sign, notice the sign and what it’s asking you to do. Then shift your behavior and your awareness to the activity. As you bring your car to a full stop, let yourself pay full attention to the activity as if you were a 15-year-old preparing for your driving test all over again. Finally, rewire your thinking after you continue driving past the stop sign (safely, of course. You are driving after all). Think to yourself, “I’m driving here. Right here, right now.”

Hopefully, you’ll travel on a little more mindful.


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How to have more CONFIDENCE

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Read to make a decision to be confident?

Set the Mood For Your Week With the Law of Attraction

I used to hate when a new week arrived. The pressure of new responsibilities piling up on top of last week’s clutter always made me anxious. I would walk into the week frustrated because I didn’t know how to stop the cycle of stress that rolled in every Monday.

To be honest, I didn’t believe it was possible to have a good day. So, I kept reliving the same drama, which included: arguments with family members, petty water-cooler beefs, an overworked mind, and unfulfilled goals.

But after hundreds of affirmations and tons of guided meditations, I finally found a way to overcome that negative energy. It all stems from the Law of Attraction.

Law of Attraction teachers like Abraham Hicks, Ralph Smart, and Rhonda Byrne teach that you must believe, ask, and receive what you want in life. They teach that like attracts like, and that the energy we put out—whether it's positive, negative, anxious, and so on—will always be returned to us. I realized I had to become conscious of the energy I put out if I wanted to enjoy my life.

Through trial and error, I learned that the real magic happens when you align what you want with what you’re putting out into the world. You have to exude how you want to feel, and trust that the energy is going to work in your favor. You have to do your part in co-creating what you want. So often we forget that we play a huge role in the manifesting process. If you want to live your best life, you must become what you are seeking.

The real magic happens when you align what you want with what you’re putting out into the world.

I now take small actions to create and attract the energy I want from my week—and my Monday scaries have all but disappeared. Here’s how you can use the Law of Attraction and set the tone for your week:

1. Believe In What You Want

If you set the intention to have an awesome day, you must believe you deserve it.
On Sunday evenings, try writing out your weekly intentions—the “what” you want from the week and the “why.” Maybe it's a sense of peace, or feeling in control of your schedule.

Whatever your intentions, try reading them every morning when you wake up. Focus on what you're trying to attract, and know that you deserve it.

2. Ask For What You Want

This is your chance to be honest about what's keeping you from your intentions. Start by asking yourself the “not-so-cute questions” like: What is blocking me from living my best life? What steps could I take to experience more happiness each day?

Once you're clear about what’s blocking you, try creating a Magic To-Do List. Every morning, write a list of everything you want out of the week. Maybe you’re working on a project at work and you feel stumped. Write it down on your to-do list as if you're asking for it to happen rather than telling yourself to do it.

Then, instead of worrying about not achieving that goal, pretend you've already finished it. Picture yourself tackling the project and proudly finishing it. We spend a lot of time imaginging our failure, but imaginging your own success can help you figure out the plan to get there.

3. Get Grateful For What You Receive

There are a lot of things to be grateful for in life, but we get so caught up obsessing over everything that is going wrong that we forget to simply say: Thank You. Gratitude is a great way to increase the positive thoughts running through your head. When you show gratitude for what you already have, more will come into your life.

When you show gratitude for what you already have, more will come into your life.

If you really want to experience the magic of Monday and the power of a great week, then say “thank you” every chance that you get. Every morning, write down 10 things you’re grateful for and why you are grateful for them. Try this practice before bed as well, and you’ll wake up ready to conquer your day.

After I implemented these practices into my daily routine, I experienced so much joy and began to attract all the things that I needed to find happiness. Of course, I still had to take action to make things happen, but these practices kept my energy and focus right where I needed them.
Try it this week, and watch what happens when you take control of your vibe.


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Michelle Obama's Top 10 Rules For Success (@FLOTUS)

When Grace and Gratitude Come First

It’s interesting how we have to be intentional about practicing grace and gratitude, but stress, busyness and frustration are second nature. We are pros at reacting to all the things life throws at us, drilling through our never-ending to-do lists, skipping lunch, sacrificing sleep and taking care of ourselves in the pursuit of more. But more of what? And to what end?

What would happen if grace and gratitude came first?

What if we felt …

• grace when dealing with uncertainty
• gratitude before we were stressed or frustrated
• hopeful while dealing with loss
• loved before judged
• loving before judging

Everything I read suggests grace and gratitude as a solution to stress, frustration and overwhelm but if grace and gratitude come first, we can avoid some of the stress or at least navigate it in a healthier way. Instead of using grace and gratitude as tools to solve problems, let’s start from a place of grace and gratitude.

If you want to see if grace and gratitude can soften or eliminate some of the craziness of your life, try it.

Here are a few ways to put grace and gratitude first …

Say thank you first.
 
Let your first thought of the day be one of gratitude. What are you grateful for when you open your eyes? Think about it for 30 seconds before jumping out of bed. Write it down or say it out loud.

Stop measuring who you are by what you accomplish.
 
Grace measures more by what’s on your heart than what’s on your list. When you are stressing over your calendar or to-do list and telling yourself you are falling behind, remember who you are and what you mean to the people around you. Remember what really matters to you. Trust what’s in your heart.

Laugh more.
 
Laughing is grace and gratitude all wrapped into one joyful expression. Laugh more. Life is serious enough without us trying to keep it all together all day long.

Start with you.
 
The more loving you are with yourself, the more loving you can be with everyone around you. The more grateful you are for who you are, what’s on the inside and what you have to offer, the more grateful you can be for the stuff on the outside. The more grace you extend to yourself, the more you’ll have to extend to others.

Let go. Let go. Let go.
 
All of this holding on to stuff that doesn’t really matter gets in the way of grace and gratitude. From physical clutter and stuff, to things we think we should believe or should do, to what we think others think – it’s all messy. Keep letting go of anything standing in the way of more grace and gratitude in your life.

Here’s the thing … we can work to simplify our lives, take better care of ourselves, and reduce stress but some things are not in our control. There will always be surprises, uncertainty, difficult people, loss, and failure. With a reserve of grace and gratitude, we’ll get through the hard stuff and come out stronger on the other side.

And the good stuff will be even sweeter.


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