When
we talk about happiness, we think about staying happy all the time –
every single day, every single minute with zero negativity. We try to
pursue this constant state of “happiness” as our goal, and avoid
anything that may take it away from us.
But
what is the meaning of this type of “happiness”? It’s like your
favorite food. The more you have of it doesn’t always mean the better.
On the contrary, when you only have a chance to eat it sparingly,
that’s when you really savor every bite of it. So is it the food itself
that makes you happy, or is it how valuable it is to you when you are
eating it?
Assuming others are always happy is the biggest misunderstanding of happiness.
Most
people see those who have seemingly perfect lives and assume they are
happy all the time. Since childhood, we are conditioned to chase the
idea of “happily-ever-after” that we see in fairytales. On social
media, everyone tends to share only the best looking aspects of their
lives (including ourselves). So it’s very easy to have a distorted view
of what “happiness” is around us.
In reality, there is always something missing, something lacking, or something unpleasant.
No
one has a perfect life. Even the most glamorous celebrities or the
richest billionaires, everyone has their own set of challenges and
problems.
When we feel negative, we’re only focusing
on a small fluctuating curve. As CEO of Lifehack, I’ve had to deal
with countless problems, and some of them felt like real setbacks at the
time. During those moments, it really seemed like these problems would
be the life or death of my company and my life goals. But I got
through them, and weeks, months and eventually years passed with many
more ups and downs.
You need to keep your sights on
the extended curve. Looking back now, a lot of those “really big”
problems at the time seem like only small blips in a long line of
experiences. Recalling them in my mind now makes me smile!
Stop trying to be happy. Just be.
It’s
natural to want to be happy as often as possible. So what can we do?
First, throw away the belief that a perfect life means happiness.
Personally, I would be miserable if everything was perfect. It’s from
experiencing the pains of lifelong challenges that drives us to care for
others when they are experiencing the same trials. If life was
perfect, you wouldn’t be able to empathize. If life was perfect, you
wouldn’t grow.
To be truly happy, stop chasing permanent happiness. It
sounds like a paradox. What I mean is, accept that there will be ups
and downs throughout life. Gracefully understand that happiness is a
fluctuation of positive and negative events.
Understand
the importance of gratitude. Instead of focusing on the unpleasant
moment right now, flash back your memory to when you had or didn’t have
something. I like to think about my career, for example. When I didn’t
have a career I was passionate about, I felt lost and demotivated. I
felt like everyone was figuring out their lives but me. But when I
found my purpose and started Lifehack, I was deeply happy, even before I
realized I would be successful! This memory keeps me going when there
are tough spots. It takes the darkness to make us grateful for the
light.
Happiness and sadness exist together
What
it all comes down to is this: your life will be filled with beautiful,
happy and incredible moments. Happy tears and joyous shouts and funny
stories. But your life will also be filled with rain and storms that
don’t ever seem to pass when you’re going through them.
Don’t try to avoid “sad” or “negative” experiences, and blindly chase being “happy”. In the end you will achieve a true level of contentment in your life, based on meaningful experiences and achievements. Being able to create growth and meaning out of both positive and negative events — that is the true meaning of “happiness”.
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